Poison

It's something I still need to work on, I guess. But once I get in a bad mood, I screw up everything around me. I'm mad at the guild, I'm mad at my boyfriend. Mad at the cello. Mad at myself.

I'm frustrated and insecure. I feel like no matter how hard I work at this audition, at being a cellist, I won't pull it off. I don't have faith in my skill. I think about people telling me they're not impressed, that I didn't work hard enough.

I'm frustrated at all this time I spend fucking babying the guild. Set up this roster here, make sure everyone has enough dps, and then someone doesn't show up, or they give me shit about not getting to show up, and it ruins me for the rest of the night. I don't get paid for this shit. Why do I even bother with these selfish assholes who probably don't give a shit about me.

This is why I'm difficult. I told you it would be like this. I warned you. And you said you didn't care, but you do. It wears on you. It's like wiping the ass of a fussy child.

And now I can't sleep. I think I'll be up the whole night. I don't care. You don't care. Why should you?