It all works out

Last time on Nerdy Musician, I asked for luck. It's funny how things work out sometimes, and you just have to be receptive to the lessons of life. If something isn't working out, it probably isn't meant to work out, not after you put a lot of hard work into it. I mean, I'm not saying that you should give up without trying, but if you're working something hard, and it falls through anyway, there is a reason for that. There is something better out there.

I pretty much failed my audition. It was actually pretty odd how it happened, and at first very heartbreaking. I worked VERY hard for it, I practiced every day for months. I sounded GREAT in the practice room. Sounded amazing. Multiple people came in to hear me play, and I was without nerves, sounding fantastic. But as soon as I got into the room, with Uch and Prof Knific and Fedetov, I kind of lost it. I was so nervous that my hands shook and I couldn't play anything. The atmosphere was awful, as soon as I walked into that room, I was being judged against the impression I had left. I couldn't fight it. That's why it was so heartbreaking at first, because I had sounded amazing like 10 minutes before sounding like a totally different cellist. Prof Knific was being nice, but Uch said things like "we can't make any promises" which just means 'wait list'.

I was crushed for about 10 minutes. Then I picked myself up and got back to work. One closed door doesn't mean squat when it comes to getting back to school, and I'm going to keep working until I achieve my goal. I realized that maybe even if I do get accepted back into WMU, I don't know if I'll return. I realized that I'd be literally working overtime to try and prove these people wrong about me, and if I want to succeed, coming back to an environment like that is probably not the best idea.

With that in mind, I applied to 4 great universities in Illinois. Since I"ve been living here for 6 months I get in state tuition now. I've missed a few of the audition dates for 2 of the music schools, and 1 of the universities, but that doesn't stop me. I contacted all 3 places asking if a late audition ASAP was possible. And of course I'll call these places on Monday.

It can either be heartbreaking or refreshing when your plans change. Right now, I'm exploring my options with joy and excitement. And I'm thankful for this experience, because if I had gotten my way, gotten back into WMU without any trouble, I would be wandering back into an atmosphere that is toxic. Phew.